Guess You Had To Be There (Wish You Were Here)

I haven't written in ages so I'm outta practice. Plus, I doubt this little anecdote's gonna fly too well in writing. Hell, it's not even funny to other people when I tell it to them in person. And I'm a fuckin master comedian in person. That's why I'm writing this goddam blog. Master comedians have nothing better to do with their time than to write stories that they know that nobody who wasn't there will think are funny, and that even the folks who were there probably don't remember cos they really weren't all that funny in the first place.

Let me set this up: A short, fat Mexican lady, a pimply-faced 19 year old kid with thick glasses, and an old bald guy tried to jump me at Lowe's for walking out of the store with the shit I just paid for.

Just kidding. That's not a joke. That just happened an hour ago. I'm no Bruce Lee, but I'm pretty sure I could've knocked all three of their heads together and skipped to my car had I actually been stealing anything and hadn't felt compelled to go to jail.

Moral of that little story: Go down and steal yourself some shit from Lowe's.

Nevermind about the story I was gonna tell. It was a real knee-slapper but, as my friend J.P. who was in on it said at the time when our buddy walked in and asked us what we were all laughing about:

You totally missed out on the lightbulb joke.