Not Being A Fuckin Idiot 101

I was in a bit of a hurry to get to my truck last night after dinner. That's cos I had just dine n dashed! Nah. I didn't dine n dash. I've only done that twice, and both times it was spontaneous. One of the times, the restaurant people were bastards, the food sucked, and nobody seemed all that interested in bringing me a check. The other time was pretty much the same deal except for that the food didn't suck. And it would've been better if I would've known beforehand that I was getting a free meal. Then I would've gotten the fuckin lobster.

But that's the thing. Or one of the many, many things that there are: There's no way I could enjoy my dinner while my adrenal glands were preparing me to leave without paying. Plus, I think they usually stick it to the waitress if you don't pay, and that's bullshit. Same with trashing the place cos the manager's a cocksucker. The manager isn't likely to be the poor sucker who's wiping graffiti off the table and milkshake off the wall.

Anyway, none of this has anything to do with anything. The reason why I was in a hurry to get to my truck is because I was in danger of freezing my nuts off. It wasn't the kinda weather you write home to Mom about, but it was fuckin cold. Now I'm thinking about a story by Jack London called "To Build A Fire" that was about a guy who freezes to death in the Yukon. Jack London did a far better job of describing cold weather than I just did. If Jack London would've simply wrote, "Some guy froze his nuts off in the Yukon, THE END", Mr. London might have remained unknown. So I'm not Jack London. One of the crosses I must bear....

Anyway, it's fuckin cold, I'm goin to my truck, I gotta styrofoam container full of leftover delishables, it's New Year's Eve, I don't care, I'm fixin to head home. I'm not much of a multi-tasker, but all these things are happening simultaneously. Then I hear screeching. When I look to the source of all the racket, it turns out to be a couple of stupid college chicks. They're hobbling around on the ice in high-heeled shoes and mini-skirts. I like mini-skirts. Hell, who doesn't? They're especially cool come around April, on the first really nice day of Spring. All the women have been bundled up like the fuckin Michelin Man for the last 4 or 5 months. For anybody who enjoys the sight of pretty women, their eyes have been starving all this time. In April, there's a visual feast of boobs and butts to try not to gawk at.

In January, scantily clad college girls don't look hot. They look cold. They look fuckin stupid. And they are fuckin stupid. Perhaps these folks should enroll in Not Being A Goddam Idot 101 before they die of existence. Whatever that means.

Whatever any of this means.....