Closet Cat Person

 I'm an animal lover. As normal pets go, I definitely consider myself a dog person. But even though dogs and squirrels have been at war since the two creatures have existed, I still root for the squirrels once in a while. Cos I love squirrels, too. They're pretty damn neat. In fact, a comic book hero named Squirrel Man would probably be pretty bad ass. He could climb trees real good, hang upside down and shout at you for no evident reason. Not that any of that shit would come in real handy in a fight, but the rest of us can't do it. Or at least we can't do it as good as Squirrel Man.

So I like dogs and I like squirrels. I also like cats and birds. They're delicious! But aside from being some of my favorite cuisine, I like to observe these animals doing what comes naturally to them. I also like doing unnatural things in order to get a better look at them. I'm not talking about Satanic rituals or anything like that. And I guess I'm more referring to the birds when I say I like to check them out in their natural environment. I can look at the goddam cat anytime I want, especially if I open a can of tuna. What I'm talking about is that I put a low-hanging bird feeder in the garden.

It was okay when I first put it there. The foliage was pretty low to the ground. The cat would hang out and stare at the feeder, waiting for a customer. The birds, who are often noted for their keen eyesight, wouldn't approach the feeder when the cat was on patrol. Now however, thanks to the garden's location on Earth, the plants and flowers have all grown to nearly reach the little seed-feeder. The cat isn't quite so visible to the birds and now the bird feeder also moonlights as a cat feeder.

The family was brought a gift this morning: a deceased but unmangled sparrow. I thanked him and took it away from him, but I was still in my slippers and didn't feel like burying it so I just took the bird outside and gave it back to the cat. Only now I feel like an asshole for inviting the birds for lunch just so they can get mauled by a Siamese. I reckon I should move the feeder to a more bird-friendly locale. Either that or I should just admit that I'm a cat lover.