ROUND AND ROUND

                Well, good news for anybody who gives a fuck.  As for those of you who don’t give a fuck, well, you don’t give a fuck so no news is good news to you.  No news is generally good news.  And I generally don’t give a fuck so there you go.  But right now boy, lemme tellya.  Yeah.  I give a flyin fuck.  About what, you might ask?  I will tell you that I forget.  But I thought of a series of blogs that’ll be fun to blog, and that brightens up my world just a touch.  I’m pretty easily amused, it might seem. 

                It all came to me today when I was serving out a sentence at my local Goodwill store.  Serving my community.  It turns out that if you get caught driving around shooting crack, one of the things they make you do is to listen to a whole bunch of music that you rollerskated to for a while when you were 9 and then realized that you couldn’t fuckin stand the radio.  This caused you to give up on music altogether until you overheard your sister playing the Dead Kennedys and what have you.  She’d act like you suck most of the time so you’d swipe some Black Sabbath compilation tape that had the best goddam Black Sabbath song ever played on it that nobody seems to care about except for me and the first Ramones LP (also on cassette).  And then you forget all about all the other terrible horseshit for the remainder of your fucked up life.  Until.

                Until you’re caught with a couple grams of crack.  Fuck.  Now you’re trapped in heck, listening to fuckin what’s his name and Lionel Richie and Chicago and Leo Sayer and shit.  Not only that, you know who sings all these songs (except for fuckin what’s his name), which amounts to psychological torture.  No really, and after hearing “Love Me Tomorrow” by Chicago.  Wait a minute.  Did you catch that?  LOVE ME TOMORROW.  What in the everloving fucking hell were those dingleberries thinking?  Jesus….  Anyway, that got me wanting to hear me some Air Supply.  That desire prompty deserted me as soon as I got in my car so now I’m listening to something a little heavier but whatever.  Maybe I’ll go on a little Air Supply bender after this.  Maybe I’ll download a best of and put it on my mp3 player and kick myself in the ass for it later when it actually comes on.  Maybe I just talked myself out of doing that.

                Anyway, I also spent a bunch of time in jail.  I would’ve gladly spent a few more days in there if I could’ve avoided all this nonsense.  I was thinking what they could do is make me stay in my room and read a Dean Koontz book and go on a diet for a couple days.  Fuck it.  It’d save the taxpayers a bunch of money and I’d probably be doing society a better service than I am when I’m acting like an annoying jerk at the Goodwill all day long.  You know, now that I think about it this is the second time I’ve written a blog about doing community service at a Goodwill and listening to some rotten bullshit while I was doing it.  How sad is that?  Only last time it was some Brittney Spears song that I had been lucky enough to have avoided until that point and some godawful accoustic rendition of “Round and Round” by Ratt where the moron who was singing it was all serious and shit. 

                I guess I could start bitching about all the paradoxes in “Round and Round” but we all know what they are and I’m pretty sure I pointed them out 6 years ago when I was working in the Goodwill for a few days cos I had gotten busted with  crack in my car.  Wait a minute.  Round and round indeed….