I haven't written in a minute. Had a lot of shit on my mind. I'm certain that the 4 people who read this have been seriously losing their fuckin minds cos they've been denied the benefits of my fuckin ramblings, but what can I do? Anyway, I was on a pet trip the last time I had anything to say about anything in Blog World, so I might as well continue on that line of worthless nonsense. And with that charming introduction out of the way, let the bullshit commence!
Jesus. I've had quite a few pets.
Which one to talk about? I started talkin about my old dog Mac, but then it turned out to be some grim sounding bullshit. But the story was funny! I mean, the motherfucker was real funny! Still, it read like a goddam eulogy. What it was was that I had this big Irish Setter when I was a kid. His name was Mac cos he was Irish. Except that his name should've been Mick. That's fuckin Irish. If he was a Scottish Terrier or some goddam thing, Mac would've made more sense. But who cares? He wore his name well.
I just deleted a whole bunch of other shit and now I'm just gonna tell you the goddam story. Does anybody remember the Smurfs' song? La la la la la or whatever. I'm not gonna try to spell out a bunch of lala's so that you can tell it's the Smurf song. I tried that with the old Batman TV show song and it just doesn't look that good on paper.
Don't ask me cos I don't remember how me and my two buddies across the street figured this out. I was 10 and they were brothers, one a year older than me and one a year younger than me. Somehow, we figured out that if you jumped around and sang the Smurf song, Mac would try and hump you. Nah, he wouldn't try. Mac would fuckin hump you. He weighed about 100 pounds.
We thought it was funny as hell. And it was! We'd hold hands and dance around in a circle, singing the Smurf song until the dog couldn't take it anymore. Mac'd finally freak out, haul off and rape somebody while everybody laughed. Once that dog got ahold of you, you pretty much had to curl up in a ball and wait for him to finish doing his thing.
Once in awhile, some kid who didn't usually hang out would be hanging out and we'd all convince him to jump around and sing the Smurf song. "Nah, trust me! It's really funny!" Then the kid'd roll up into a ball and get humped on the living room floor while we all stood around and laughed our asses off.
1 comment:
When my brother was little he came running into the house and dragged me and my mom outside. He wanted us to see something....
he thought it was funny that our huge Chesapeake, Ben would "hug" him when he sat down in the grass.
Same dog different humping story...
my friend Bobbi broke her leg jumping horses. Ben found her really attractive and tackled her to the ground and she couldn't get away due to the huge dog and the huge cast on her leg. I laughed so hard I was crying...it was awesome.
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