Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Be Vewy Caweful, I'm Hunting Fudd

Okay. The serious matter about which I am to discuss is, as far as I know, confined to Central Missouri. I'd conduct a survey to find out if anybody who's reading who lives outside of Missouri can identify with my social/anthropoligical observations, but I don't think that very many people are reading this. I'd probably only recieve an answer from one person that says either "Yep" or, conversely, "Nope". And one can hardly arrive at any solid conclusions based on meager results such as those. If anybody is reading this nonsense, they're certainly not admitting to it. Which leads me to believe that these sneaky fuckers are masturbating to my blogs....

So I probably won't gain any response from anybody, much less anything resembling any kind of enlightenment. This comes as no surprise. It's totally normal. Therefore, I'll just keep on blabberin.

As far as I know, the Brothers Warner never explained just where the hell Elmer Fudd was from. I mean, Bugs Bunny sounded like he was from Brooklyn or something and he'd often travel through Albuquerque. But he'd wind up in the North Pole and Camelot and everywhere else. He'd always be hangin out in some unnamed forest whenever Elmer Fudd would show up and try to fuck with him. This forest could've been anywhere. I have reason to believe that it was located somewhere near Columbia, Missouri.

For one thing, my sources indicate that Columbia is nearly equidistant from Albuquerque and Brooklyn.

The other evidence that I have is this: There are a few motherfuckers around here who talk like Elmer Fudd. They may not have the same voice, but they definitely have the accent. I've encountered them a number of times. I've never heard anybody talk like Elmer Fudd before I arrived in Missouri unless they were doing so in jest. Personally, I like singing "I Wanna Rock N Roll All Night" in Fudd-Speak. But that's as far as I generally take it.

I worked at a burger joint a while back and one of our semi-regular customers would order a "Cheesebuwguw and Fwies". We'd act like we didn't hear her so she'd have to repeat it. I was recently seated near a not-very-menacing gang of Halo nerds at a restaurant. One of them spoke with this accent, his friends all somehow maintaining straight faces as he expwained how he took down a hewicoptuh wit a wecoilless wifle. I pointed his Fuddist accent out to my friend whom I was sitting with. Our food got cold as we ignored our sandwiches in order to eavesdrop on our neighbor's lunchtime conversation.

These are only 2 examples. I have more, but hopefully you get the idea. Now, I've toyed with the theory that maybe these folks are suffering from some kinda syndrome or something, but if they are then it seems to be one that's exclusive to Missouri. I've been all over the place and have never met any Fudds til just recently. Not that I have any problem with Fuddites. Dey bwighten up de wuld, and deaw's nuting wong wit dat.

1 comment:

  1. No comments on this, or did you delete them?
    Elmer Fudd was given voice by two men, Arthur Bryan and of course Mel Blanc (who imitated Bryan). The voice was understood to be Brooklyn- borough with a speech impediment that was so intolerable, all who suffered from it were exiled to Columbia, Missouri (or if they were lucky, Hollywood).
    I have a theory that some pediatricians in New York took a contrariwise view about tonsillectomies and what to do with the adenoids. Since it's a densely populated city, there were enough victims of this apostasy for a stereotype to be developed in the 1930's and earlier.

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